By-Monica Adrian
Scene 1
In a bedroom.
The two of them are in the bed together. There is a door stage right. Stage
left there is a puppet stage with a penis puppet and a vagina puppet similar to
what is seen on the playbill. Throughout the scenes they are reacting to the
plot, simply just watching, or fondling each other. It’s whatever you wish to
do with them.
DAISY (Sung)
Can’t you see?
That we’re playing
with fire,
With your tactics and
your crazy antics,
You’re going to have
to say no for me,
Unless you want a
baby,
When I beg,
When I plead,
Don’t you dare give
me,
Oh what I need,
(Tyler Joins in singing but Daisy is still louder)
Cuz we’re just being
irresponsible,
And when we have just
met let’s not have an accident,
So you’ll (I’ll) just
have to stay out of me (you),
Until the pills kick
in and we’re home free,
(Back to just Daisy)
Don’t you know that I
can’t refuse,
Cuz you make me lose
my mind so it’s up to you to choose,
You’re just going to
have to stay strong for the both of us,
Cuz I can’t deny my
lust, not when it comes to us,
Oh pull out now!
Pull out now!
Pull out now!
Because you know that
you really should,
Oh pull out now!
Pull out now!
Pull out now!
Oh but you make it
feel too good,
(Tyler Joins in singing but Daisy is still louder)
Cuz we’re just being
irresponsible,
And when we have just
met let’s not have an accident,
So you’ll just have
to stay out of me,
Until the pills kick
in and we’re home free,
(Back to just Daisy)
Why can’t you just
take the plastic,
But you won’t have
it,
Without direct
contact,
It’s a dangerous
game,
That we’ve gotten
ourselves into,
Oh it kills me to
have or not have you,
So what will it be?
How long can we just
tease?
Oh it’s gonna happen,
Babe just let it
happen.
TYLER
I think we should.
DAISY
You said we didn’t
need to.
TYLER
I know what I said. But I’ve been thinking
this morning that it might be a better idea to stop at the pharmacy.
DAISY
I asked you last night and you said it was
fine, that nothing would happen to me.
TYLER
Daisy, I know what I said but I wasn’t in the
best place of judgment then.
DAISY
I trusted you.
TYLER
Well trust me now.
(Daisy buries her head under the blanket and then takes it back out.)
DAISY
I wish I wasn’t having to deal with this.
TYLER
I know. (Pause) It’s
okay I’ll pay for half.
DAISY
Excuse me? This is
your fault. You pay for it.
TYLER
Well it is for both of us.
(Daisy glares at him)
Okay I’ll pay.
DAISY
And that’s not even the problem. It’s not
about the money.
TYLER
Well then what is it?
DAISY
Isn’t it like getting an abortion?
TYLER
There’s no fetus yet.
DAISY
How do you know?
TYLER
Of course I know. I
was a bio major.
DAISY
Maybe it’s just a teeny-tiny
microscopic fetus.
TYLER
It takes
more time than that. All it will do is give you a bunch of extra hormones so it
won’t happen.
DAISY
Maybe you’re wrong.
Maybe it already counts as a life and we’re going to kill it.
TYLER
My sperm is alive and
those die all the time.
DAISY
It’s not the same!
TYLER
There's probably a few billion dead sperm in my laundry.
Ewe.
DAISY
TYLER
It’s fine Daisy.
There’s nothing wrong with taking it.
DAISY
Well what you did was
wrong.
TYLER
What did I do?
DAISY
(mimicking him) “It’s fine Daisy. Don’t worry. I’ll pull out. I
have a low sperm count and they’re bad swimmers. I’m sure you’re not ovulating-”
TYLER
I just want to be one-hundred percent sure.
DAISY
Don’t pretend you’re
doing this for me.
TYLER
Do you want to get
pregnant?
DAISY
No. I’m on the pill now. I think we should
just wait till it’s been the full two weeks.
TYLER
Okay. That’s fine.
DAISY
I would be fine with
doing it with a condom but you can’t go near those things.
TYLER
I wish I could. I don’t know what it is.
DAISY
Not like you have the
best time staying hard even without one. (Pause) I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.
TYLER
No, it’s true. I
don’t know what it is.
DAISY
I’m sorry.
TYLER
It’s okay.
DAISY
Your dick is fine. (
pause) You know I like having sex with you.
TYLER
I know.
DAISY
Do you?
TYLER
I know you do. You’re
plenty loud.
DAISY
I mean it’s really
good. Especially when it’s hard.
(Tyler looks down)
DAISY
I’m sorry. That’s not
making it better is it?
TYLER
It’s okay. You don’t
have to say anything more.
DAISY
I do enjoy it. It’s
just too bad when it’s short. Not that it’s short. I was talking about the sex.
I mean it’s not long. I’m sorry.
TYLER
Daisy.
DAISY
I mean I don’t need a
giant-
TYLER
Daisy. (Pause) We gotta get that pill for you.
Daisy. (Pause) We gotta get that pill for you.
DAISY
Well you pulled out
didn’t you?
TYLER
Maybe not quick
enough.
DAISY
Are you serious? Well how much do you think got in?
TYLER
I don’t know.
DAISY
Like a teaspoon? Tablespoon? An
ounce? Two ounces?
TYLER
I don’t know Daisy. I
can’t give you a precise measurement. It’s not like I ever bake with my sperm.
DAISY
Yes, I’m sure you don’t
go around making sperm cookies.
TYLER
They could be good.
You wouldn’t have to add salt.
DAISY
Really Tyler?
TYLER
I’m just saying.
I’m just saying.
DAISY
How much did you get
in me?
TYLER
I don’t know. Enough.
DAISY
Fuck.
TYLER
I know. I didn’t mean
to.
DAISY
If we go to the pharm, will you at least
come with me?
TYLER
I have work.
DAISY
Well then after work.
TYLER
Do you really want me
to?
DAISY
Yes. It makes me feel
like a skank having to do something like that.
TYLER
It doesn’t make you a
skank. Women do it all the time.
DAISY
It makes me look like I had a one-night
stand.
TYLER
That’s not what this
is.
DAISY
I know it isn’t.
(He kisses her hand)
TYLER
But I don’t want children yet. I'm focusing on my career so I can provide the
best I can for us later.
DAISY
What are you talking
about?
TYLER
It’s not just me now. It’s we.
DAISY
We?
TYLER
Will you be my girlfriend?
DAISY
You’re asking me now?
TYLER
I know. I’m sorry.
Now’s not a good time to ask.
DAISY
I just wasn’t thinking about it. Right now I’m
kind of preoccupied debating the fate of my uterus.
TYLER
Well you don’t have to. We'll go to the pharm and
you won’t have anything to worry.
DAISY
Nothing but eternal
damnation.
TYLER
You’re not even religious.
DAISY
I’m agnostic.
TYLER
Exactly.
DAISY
Which means I’m open to different
possibilities, one of them being eternal damnation.
TYLER
You won’t be damned.
That book was written centuries ago. Things are different now.
DAISY
Yes, I can have
pre-marital sex and kill microscopic fetuses.
TYLER
You don’t even know
if you’re pregnant.
DAISY
The intent is still
there. (long pause) It’s my fault. I just like sex too much. It’s like the best
thing in the world.
TYLER
Really?
DAISY
Fuck yeah.
TYLER
What about feelings
and companionship?
DAISY
All that’s great. But I need sex.
TYLER
I like sex sure. But I don’t need it. I could
live without it.
DAISY
Good, then it will be
easy to resist me until the two weeks are up. We have like ten more days or
something like that.
TYLER
I won’t have sex with you if you don’t want me
to.
DAISY
But that’s the thing.
I know I’m going to ask.
TYLER
Then I’ll say no.
DAISY
You promise?
TYLER
I promise.
(Music starts playing)
DAISY
Tell me you will not
have sex with me.
TYLER
I will not have sex
with you.
DAISY
Again.
TYLER
I will not have sex with you. (grabs her by
the shoulders and looks in her eyes) I
will not have
sex with you.
DAISY (Sung)
Cuz we’re just being
irresponsible,
And when we have just
met let’s not have an accident,
So you’ll just have
to stay out of me,
Until the pills kick
in and we’re home free, (tempo speeds
with every line)
Until the pills kick
in and we’re home free,
Until the pills kick
in and we’re home free,
Until the pills kick
in and we’re home free,
Until the pills kick
in and you can just (bang on the piano) me.
Scene 2
(Daisy is looking nervous for some time. Tyler is in the other room and
comes out through the door)
DAISY
Oh my god. What does
it say?
TYLER
It’s positive.
(The
vagina and penis puppet start freaking out while the actors are silent on stage
in disbelief. Curtains close)
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