Things to Keep to Yourself When You Begin Dating

art by Monica Adrian (me)

• What you want to look like or used to look like

Confidence is way sexier than insecurity. When you share insecure feelings you have about yourself, it's basically taking an icepick to the allure you otherwise would have had. And maybe they didn't even notice your flaws, but they are way more likely to if you bring them up. So don't. And also, there's no need to tell someone about the way you used to look. You don't get credit for how you looked back in the day. People need to like you for who you are now, not who you used to be or want to become.

• The number of sexual partners you've had

Unless you specifically want your virginity (if that'd be the case) to be known, this is not something you should be revealing because it shouldn't be what defines you or the relationship. It's also very awkward to compare sexual experience and it makes whoever has had more of it feel like they have the upper-hand. This will consequently make the other person feel nervous to live up to the other's expectations. What you should talk about is what your sex will mean to each other. This being, whether it's just for fun or intended to be a more meaningful experience.

• Your personal record of sex in a day or night

This will also make someone feel the need to compete. No one should have it in their mind that they need to be breaking records that were made with a person's ex.

• Your exes names

If you mention these details early on it will give the other person the impression that you are still not over them.

• What your ex could do

This applies to everything whether it is dancing, cooking, ect...This makes it seem both like you are not over them and invites unnecessary competition.

• Your kids

You do not need to be dragging your kids into your dating life until things become serious. Your children do not need to be sharing your dating highs and lows or getting attached to people you could potentially lose. It's not fair for them.

• Your Facebook

This makes snooping all too easy. So until things are exclusive I would definitely leave Facebook out of it. Also if someone messages you on there she/he will think you are ignoring them if you do not answer it because it leaves a time stamp of when you last saw it. Lastly, it will make it uncomfortable when you first start taking pictures together. One of you will be wondering if you are going to find yourself tagged the next day, which is a problem if you are not ready to make your relationship public yet.

• Your online dating profile

If you did not meet them online I would not tell them about your online account. People who don't online date generally think that people who do are weird. And since in online dating you are essentially scouting for men or women, this will make you seem less coveted.

• Exactly how much money you make

It's important to be open about what you do for a living. This is how you occupy much of your time and people have a right to know what that is. But there is no reason to get into actual numbers. That will not only kill the romance but might persuade someone to stay for the wrong reasons. By sharing your vocation a person should get a general sense of how much you make by this anyway.

• Your bad relationship history

If your relationship history makes it look like you are either bad at dating or get tired of people quickly, it's better to be as vague as possible if somebody asks. You want to avoid this being a potential red flag for the other person.

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