The War between Women
Gillian
I don’t understand what Francine’s problem is. Why won’t she breastfeed? I keep talking to her about it but she
says that it makes her too sore. Sore? Seriously? Her baby is only four months. If anything she could lose the
extra calories. I told her when you’re pregnant you can’t eat for two (or three or four). What can I say? We
warned her. And now that she’s up thirty pounds, she still chooses to do nothing about it. She never even
leaves the house! How does she live like that? It’s no surprise that her marriage is such a dud…and if her baby
develops anemia, I won’t be surprised.
says that it makes her too sore. Sore? Seriously? Her baby is only four months. If anything she could lose the
extra calories. I told her when you’re pregnant you can’t eat for two (or three or four). What can I say? We
warned her. And now that she’s up thirty pounds, she still chooses to do nothing about it. She never even
leaves the house! How does she live like that? It’s no surprise that her marriage is such a dud…and if her baby
develops anemia, I won’t be surprised.
Francine
Paulina is so obstinate. No children? It’s preposterous! I was certain she’d change her mind once she was
married. It’s a shame for Marc. He’d have made a fine father. But all she wants to do is work. Work. Work.
Work. She just refuses to understand where her priorities are or at least where they ought to be! I don’t see
how she feels a sense of love and comfort from slaving away at her brokerage office. What sentiment is there
n having a stock go up or down? It can’t possibly compare to holding your dear one in your arms. All those
pesky deadlines, all that stress—it’s really quite unfit for a woman. I bet Marc feels neglected. It’s a good thing
I’ve chosen to be a stay-at-home mother.
married. It’s a shame for Marc. He’d have made a fine father. But all she wants to do is work. Work. Work.
Work. She just refuses to understand where her priorities are or at least where they ought to be! I don’t see
how she feels a sense of love and comfort from slaving away at her brokerage office. What sentiment is there
n having a stock go up or down? It can’t possibly compare to holding your dear one in your arms. All those
pesky deadlines, all that stress—it’s really quite unfit for a woman. I bet Marc feels neglected. It’s a good thing
I’ve chosen to be a stay-at-home mother.
Paulina
Why does Gillian still breastfeed her son? He’s two! Isn’t that weird? I swear thinking about her teets gives me
the creeps. Oh gawd…every time she excuses herself to leave the room with him I want to bury my head in my
sweater. I can’t imagine a small toddler chomping down on my breasts, let alone a baby. I prefer my nipples
pink not purple, thank you. It’s just so odd that we do that—breastfeed that is. I feel like only cows and
goats should. And I don’t get at all how she says she likes it. How can that possibly be enjoyable? Even
Francine agrees with me that it’s uncivilized at that age. That’s great that she can—I just couldn’t. Thanks
God I don’t have kids!
the creeps. Oh gawd…every time she excuses herself to leave the room with him I want to bury my head in my
sweater. I can’t imagine a small toddler chomping down on my breasts, let alone a baby. I prefer my nipples
pink not purple, thank you. It’s just so odd that we do that—breastfeed that is. I feel like only cows and
goats should. And I don’t get at all how she says she likes it. How can that possibly be enjoyable? Even
Francine agrees with me that it’s uncivilized at that age. That’s great that she can—I just couldn’t. Thanks
God I don’t have kids!
Gillian
Did Paulina have to be so irritating today? I can see it on her face that she thinks how I choose to take care of
my son is gross or something. I’m tired of having to explain to her the nutritional properties that breastmilk
provides. I even read that it lowers the chance of them getting cancer. I’m sorry, but anyone woman who
chooses not to take full advantage of their breastmilk is just plain irresponsible. I think I’m going to have
another talk with Francine. Hopefully she’s not dried up yet.
my son is gross or something. I’m tired of having to explain to her the nutritional properties that breastmilk
provides. I even read that it lowers the chance of them getting cancer. I’m sorry, but anyone woman who
chooses not to take full advantage of their breastmilk is just plain irresponsible. I think I’m going to have
another talk with Francine. Hopefully she’s not dried up yet.
Francine
Gillian has some nerve on her. At lunch today she started rambling about like she’s some superwoman the way
she continues to breastfeed her son—that it has this advantage, and that benefit, and so on and so forth.
It gave me a headache listening to her carry on—on and on as she did— but I still find it a disgrace.
Breastfeeding a two-going-on-three-year-old? Savage, if you ask me. Anywho, she starts telling me that I
ought to reconsider before it’s too late. So I told her, “Gillian, my breasts are not supple and young like yours.
They are worn and tender enough as they are.” At least Paulina was there to defend me. I did what
breastfeeding I could, honestly—oh the pain was dreadful even when using the pump—and I don’t appreciate
her making me feel like I’m an inferior mother. I’m as good as any, if not better, and my children are perfectly
healthy I’ll have you know. But that boy, I say, he really does have a foul mouth with those large bulbous lips.
I shudder to think what she must go through. And he really is too big for his age. I find it quite unsettling.
she continues to breastfeed her son—that it has this advantage, and that benefit, and so on and so forth.
It gave me a headache listening to her carry on—on and on as she did— but I still find it a disgrace.
Breastfeeding a two-going-on-three-year-old? Savage, if you ask me. Anywho, she starts telling me that I
ought to reconsider before it’s too late. So I told her, “Gillian, my breasts are not supple and young like yours.
They are worn and tender enough as they are.” At least Paulina was there to defend me. I did what
breastfeeding I could, honestly—oh the pain was dreadful even when using the pump—and I don’t appreciate
her making me feel like I’m an inferior mother. I’m as good as any, if not better, and my children are perfectly
healthy I’ll have you know. But that boy, I say, he really does have a foul mouth with those large bulbous lips.
I shudder to think what she must go through. And he really is too big for his age. I find it quite unsettling.
Paulina
You know sometimes I prefer how it was back then when we were roommates in our twenties and not always
down each other’s throats. We were a great team back then. Francine kept house, Gillian provided
entertainment and morale, and I would make sure we stayed within our budget. Francine was like our
rock…our source of wisdom, and Gillian always knew how to make us feel better. But now Gillian is so stuck-up
and Francine so…stuffy. And I hate it. They think they’re so much better because they have kids and I don’t.
Francine is on to child number two and Gillian just thinks the world of…of…I forgot at the moment what his
real name is. She usually just calls him Crossbow. I don’t know. Something to do with him always being on her
shoulder or maybe it’s her back. But it seems dumb to have a kid just to fit in or have something to talk about.
I have lots of things I want to talk about but they never listen! They could care less which company I just
bought a part of. I don’t get it. Everyone seems so convinced I shouldn’t be happy—that’s essentially what
they’re saying, isn’t it? Lately I feel like I spend more time defending myself than actually spending time with
them.
down each other’s throats. We were a great team back then. Francine kept house, Gillian provided
entertainment and morale, and I would make sure we stayed within our budget. Francine was like our
rock…our source of wisdom, and Gillian always knew how to make us feel better. But now Gillian is so stuck-up
and Francine so…stuffy. And I hate it. They think they’re so much better because they have kids and I don’t.
Francine is on to child number two and Gillian just thinks the world of…of…I forgot at the moment what his
real name is. She usually just calls him Crossbow. I don’t know. Something to do with him always being on her
shoulder or maybe it’s her back. But it seems dumb to have a kid just to fit in or have something to talk about.
I have lots of things I want to talk about but they never listen! They could care less which company I just
bought a part of. I don’t get it. Everyone seems so convinced I shouldn’t be happy—that’s essentially what
they’re saying, isn’t it? Lately I feel like I spend more time defending myself than actually spending time with
them.
Gillian
So Paulina keeps avoiding us, keeps saying she has work. But it’s been four months. No one works four months
straight. She must think she’s better than us because she gets to have a huge salary, and a fast car, and a big
house, and expensive clothes. It’s so obnoxious the way she flashes around her new jewelry. It’s like the only
reason she hangs out with us is to show off her new stuff. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. My little Crossbow is
better than any jewel in the world. But seriously, who does she think she is? Are we not good enough for her
anymore?
straight. She must think she’s better than us because she gets to have a huge salary, and a fast car, and a big
house, and expensive clothes. It’s so obnoxious the way she flashes around her new jewelry. It’s like the only
reason she hangs out with us is to show off her new stuff. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. My little Crossbow is
better than any jewel in the world. But seriously, who does she think she is? Are we not good enough for her
anymore?
Francine
Without Paulina (who knows what’s going on with her?) I’m not sure if it’s worth keeping company with Gillian.
When we talk of our children it’s perfectly acceptable (we’ve agreed to put an end to the breastmilk discussion
and speak no more of it) but oh the way she talks of her husband is just unseemly. I prefer to keep what goes
on in my bedroom to myself. When she speaks of their rendezvous in such vivid particulars…why it’s absolutely
uncouth! And she keeps insisting me to sign up for her yoga classes. To be caught in a “downward dog”
position would be so embarrassing— what with my rump in the air—it sounds utterly unsightly. I can perfectly
do without those lewd exercises.
When we talk of our children it’s perfectly acceptable (we’ve agreed to put an end to the breastmilk discussion
and speak no more of it) but oh the way she talks of her husband is just unseemly. I prefer to keep what goes
on in my bedroom to myself. When she speaks of their rendezvous in such vivid particulars…why it’s absolutely
uncouth! And she keeps insisting me to sign up for her yoga classes. To be caught in a “downward dog”
position would be so embarrassing— what with my rump in the air—it sounds utterly unsightly. I can perfectly
do without those lewd exercises.
Gillian
Francine is such a bore. I feel like I can’t talk to her about anything anymore. She was always more reserved
than us but I feel like every year into her marriage she loses more and more personality. She has no concept
of fun. When I tell her she needs to get out of the house more she just responds with something about her
having responsibilities. It’s really no excuse. She doesn’t have any more responsibilities than I do. I have a
new child and I’m even back to teaching. I bet it’s that husband of hers. He just consumes her, and no I don’t
mean in the bedroom. I feel like she’s had sex twice in her marriage: once when they made Emily, and the
other when they made Jack. As I was saying, we have so little in common as it is, without Paulina, what’s the
point? I miss Paulina. Where the hell is she?
than us but I feel like every year into her marriage she loses more and more personality. She has no concept
of fun. When I tell her she needs to get out of the house more she just responds with something about her
having responsibilities. It’s really no excuse. She doesn’t have any more responsibilities than I do. I have a
new child and I’m even back to teaching. I bet it’s that husband of hers. He just consumes her, and no I don’t
mean in the bedroom. I feel like she’s had sex twice in her marriage: once when they made Emily, and the
other when they made Jack. As I was saying, we have so little in common as it is, without Paulina, what’s the
point? I miss Paulina. Where the hell is she?
Francine
Can you believe Gillian is now blaming me for Paulina’s absence? She says it’s my fault because I kept pestering
her about having a child. She has no proof of that. I really have done no such thing to cause her such distress
and if I have hinted at it from time to time, I’m sure the affect was inconsequential. If anyone is to blame it’s
Gillian. She always has to impose her opinions on everyone. It’s, “Oh, you should get this hair treatment,”
and “Oh, you should go to this gym instead,” and “Oh, you should be on this diet.” It’s rather arrogant, if I don’t
say so myself. I don’t know why Gillian constantly feels the need to assert herself so.
her about having a child. She has no proof of that. I really have done no such thing to cause her such distress
and if I have hinted at it from time to time, I’m sure the affect was inconsequential. If anyone is to blame it’s
Gillian. She always has to impose her opinions on everyone. It’s, “Oh, you should get this hair treatment,”
and “Oh, you should go to this gym instead,” and “Oh, you should be on this diet.” It’s rather arrogant, if I don’t
say so myself. I don’t know why Gillian constantly feels the need to assert herself so.
Gillian
Stupid Francine. I wish she didn’t have to keep bringing up Pauline’s dying eggs. I’m completely done with her.
Whatever if I don’t have anyone to help babysit for the time being. If she’d just be able to control herself I’d
still have Paulina. She doesn’t bother to pick up her phone at all anymore. But it’s okay; I’m sure she’ll calm
down and agree to at least hang out with me again. Forget Francine. I know Paulina really well. Even though
it’s never been this bad before, she can get like this. She doesn’t have much of a temper and when she gets
angry she just shuts down for a while. She’ll be back. I know she will.
Whatever if I don’t have anyone to help babysit for the time being. If she’d just be able to control herself I’d
still have Paulina. She doesn’t bother to pick up her phone at all anymore. But it’s okay; I’m sure she’ll calm
down and agree to at least hang out with me again. Forget Francine. I know Paulina really well. Even though
it’s never been this bad before, she can get like this. She doesn’t have much of a temper and when she gets
angry she just shuts down for a while. She’ll be back. I know she will.
Paulina
Well I’m pregnant. I wasn’t wanting that to happen but I’m okay with it now. A mother is obviously who I’m
meant to be and I’ll figure it out as I go. I feel like I can handle it with just my husband and me. I don’t even
feel a need to tell the girls. I know they would be thrilled but I just don’t want people like that in my life
anymore. I’d have both of them constantly at my ear telling me what to do, each of them arguing their point
endlessly. I get that part of them just wants what’s best for me but I know that being in the middle of their
crossfire would just drive me mad. Francine would insist that she has more experience having had two, and
Gillian would say that she’s far more knowledgeable the way she keeps up with every new article on
parenthood that comes out. I have enough stress to deal with without having them add onto it. I know it’s not
completely right the way I’ve just shut them out, but if I told them why, they’d never leave me alone. They’d be
showing up at my door—Francine with a pump and Gillian with her breastmilk bottled. I’d never get to raise my
child for myself.
meant to be and I’ll figure it out as I go. I feel like I can handle it with just my husband and me. I don’t even
feel a need to tell the girls. I know they would be thrilled but I just don’t want people like that in my life
anymore. I’d have both of them constantly at my ear telling me what to do, each of them arguing their point
endlessly. I get that part of them just wants what’s best for me but I know that being in the middle of their
crossfire would just drive me mad. Francine would insist that she has more experience having had two, and
Gillian would say that she’s far more knowledgeable the way she keeps up with every new article on
parenthood that comes out. I have enough stress to deal with without having them add onto it. I know it’s not
completely right the way I’ve just shut them out, but if I told them why, they’d never leave me alone. They’d be
showing up at my door—Francine with a pump and Gillian with her breastmilk bottled. I’d never get to raise my
child for myself.
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