By Monica Adrian
Most relationships have at least one strong component to them that makes you feel like it is love. However, for long-lasting love to occur both people must feel a balance of all six factors I have complied below and be committed towards maintaining or increasing them. When any one of these factors is felt strongly, it can be easily mistaken for the real thing. But no matter how great that one area is, the relationship is still not complete unless all the factors are felt significantly.
1. Extreme Sexual Attraction
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We've all heard of the difference between love and lust. But it's still very difficult to tell the difference when the passion is strong and it's all you can think about. It truly is a special thing to find a strong sexual connection, but try to concentrate your feelings of love only on the sex and not on the person.This goes as well for thinking you love someone because they are physically super attractive. Don't let it enable you to ignore their flaws or have an exaggerated perception of their merits.
2. Extreme Romance
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Romance is a way of making any partner feel special. However, it's something to indulge in but not to fully embrace. So while you can enjoy rose petals, hotel suites, candles and love songs in the bathtub, just know that those things are not unique to you. A romantic person can enjoy these types of romances with anyone.
Romance is most important when it is consistently felt subtly. This can mean seeing the look in someone's eye or a non-sexual stroke of the arm. Everyone is different and has their own version that they respond to best. But whatever it is, it's something that keeps the relationship alive and excited about each other.
3. Extreme Comfort
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Having extreme comfort with a person means that you can enjoy the bulk of the day together snuggling in bed or on the couch watching movies. It's having a person that makes it so easy to fall asleep next to and so wonderful to wake up to in the morning still in each other's arms. You feel comfortable being your complete self around them. You can fart and burp with each other and have it be okay. You don't have to always be looking your best either. While comfort is an essential ingredient in love, lasting love consists of more than that. Because after a while, it turns any relationship into just being really great friends.
4. Extreme Generosity
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We've all heard that money can't buy love. But expensive dinners, shopping sprees and vacations are not the only way a person can show their generosity for another. Generosity is a form of affection and there are many ways to give it. Chores, help with childcare, cleaning, cooking, taking time off work for quality time and just simply being there when you are needed most are among a few ways to show it. Gratitude for your partner is important in any relationship and a selfish relationship will always fail. But a love fueled by generosity without enough of the other factors involved will eventually manifest into just a familial type of love, one that exists out of support and dependence. And a love fueled by expensive gifts was never love at all but merely a shallow romance.
5. Extreme Humor
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Having extreme humor with someone is having that person where you are constantly laughing with one another. You will have more fun with this factor than any of the others. However, having fun together is not enough to be able to deal with all of a person's needs.
6. Extreme Communication
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This is when you have someone that you feel you can tell anything to. When you fight you are always able to understand each other and learn from it. You spend a lot of time talking with each other and you feel like this person knows you better than anyone in the world. While having this person in your life is deeply satisfying, again, it's not alone going to create long-lasting love. Without the other factors it's only profound friendship. However, with communication in place, it will generally lead to knowing how you are fulfilling each other's six factors.
After reading this list it may be helpful to go over your past relationships to see what was missing. This will make getting over that person or persons much easier. And in your current or future relationships, it would be wise to make sure that all these factors are present so that you don't waste your emotional investment. You may not feel all of these factors at once and they may take time to grow, but before you think about someone seriously, these six factors definitely need to be in place and felt by both people.
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