Why a Woman Seeking a Man with a Good Job Does Not Mean She's a Gold Digger


Now published at Thought Catalog.

Illustrated and written by Monica Adrian



A woman who wants a financially secure man is not a gold digger. In fact, it's a common and unjust misconception. It's pretty rare you'd find a girl who is willing to have sex with a guy she doesn't have any emotional feelings for just so she can score some nice dinners and maybe a few shopping trips.
The definition of a gold digger is essentially a prostitute. It's a derogatory term that is usually unwarranted and definitely misused.  It's important to women that their men have a good job for one or more of the reasons I've listed below. Hopefully after reading them you'll think twice about calling a woman the g-word.

1. A guy with a good job is more likely to commit than one that does not.

Until a guy has a real career for himself, he's not really ready for real commitment. He has to prioritize his life goals. First comes a career, then marriage, and then maybe babies. Part of marriage is having a financial partnership and men are designated through normative gender roles to be the primary breadwinner. These societal pressures create a heavy feeling of responsibility for men to be able to take care of their woman, especially if things get rough. This need to be the man of the house discourages men from tying the knot when they are not making "man of the house" money. Also, not being able to afford a ring will definitely postpone getting a ring. So it's not so much that women want to be spoiled or taken care of but they risk having a dead end relationship if they seek a guy who's got a long way to go in their career path. A man wants to be the man they want to be before they fully let a woman into their life.

2. Raising a Family is better with Money

If a woman is seeking to raise a family, being financially stable is extremely beneficial and will give the child a better life. If she is able to work from home or work part-time this will allow her to have way more parental guidance than if she were working a full-time job. Not only that, but having money will allow the family to live in a safe environment for her kids to play in and they'll receive better quality public education being from a good neighborhood. Or better yet, they can go to private school. Not being financially stressed out makes for a better mommy and family dynamic.

3. Guilt

I personally cannot enjoy receiving a nice dinner out if I'm wondering the whole time if my date can really afford it. I'll be thinking thoughts like, "Maybe I shouldn't have ordered the steak," or after seeing the bill, "Geez, will they be able to make rent?" Point is, if your boy is broke it puts a damper on going out when he's treating.

4. Combining Assets

If a woman is making a lot of money, why shouldn't she want a man that does as well? Together maybe they can buy a yacht. Is it really being a gold digger if you're contributing just as much? At that point it's only fair. If a girl spoils a guy, wouldn't she want to be spoiled back?

5. He Has his Own Place

Maybe a girl wants a guy with a good job because this means he probably has his own place. If she's still living with her folks having a place to go to get it on is crucial. It's awkward fucking under your parents' roof, hotels are too expensive, and the car is just too risky and uncomfortable. Sex is mutually beneficial and not gold digging at all. And even if she does have her own place, having double the amount of locations to choose from is always a perk.

6. White Collar Men are Educated

Education matters in a relationship because they should be able to relate better with each other if they have also gone through the process of receiving one.

7. She Comes from a Family of Traditional/Conventional Values

Maybe the woman doesn't care that her man is a car salesman, but she knows her folks back home will. Even though some car salesmen can actually make pretty good money, it just doesn't scream Ivy-League College. Looking for a well-paid educated man might just be because she wants a guy she can take back home and not feel ashamed to show her parents. It's not just important that he's earning money, but it's also about how. Doctor beats rock star every time in the eyes of mom and dad.

8. Being Alpha feels Unfeminine

They might not want your money, they just want you to make more money than them. It doesn't feel feminine to be wearing the pants. Whoever makes the most money is generally the dominant one in the relationship. A lot of women aren't as comfortable being the one who is in charge and would rather defer to their man.

9. A Well-paid Man is Tenacious

It might not be the yearly salary they are interested in as much as it is the fact that they are hardworking and persistent to have earned their job. These are desirable and attractive characteristics in a man.
A guy with a mediocre job or bumming it at home, even if he is smart, never fully applied himself. That makes him seem lazy, and laziness is a libido killer. Nobody wants a lazy sexual partner or domestic partner for that matter.

10.  Bragging Rights

They may not want your money, they just want to be able to brag about how much money you have to their friends. It's not the most commendable reason, but it's different than being a gold digger. Girls think who they are with is in some way a reflection of them. So if you look really good, it makes them look better.

11. He's Happier

If a man is in a shitty financial position, or stuck in an ill-paid job he hates, it's going to stress, depress, and affect his self-esteem. Happy, positive people are generally preferred to mopey and negative. And if he's happy it'll make it easier to make her happy.

12. She Abides by Tradition

It should be acknowledged that a woman's domestic work is still work. I'm talking about cooking, cleaning, and all the other mundane chores out there. Why should a woman do this for free? Her service comes at a cost. If she truly believes in the doctrine of traditional gender roles, then her doing her part makes it reasonable for her to expect that a man will do his.


If you're not making the dough, don't be hating if she says no. As shown above, there's a lot of valid reasons she has the right to not be into you, especially when looking for a serious partner.
It's not fair to simplify women into the category of gold diggers, the second you are aware that they care about money. And why is a girl shallow unless she's happy with a poor ugly guy? Every woman is entitled to having standards, money being one of them.


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1 comments :

  1. I recently read an article about how a woman posted her desire to marry a rich/well-off individual. The response from one of the men who read the post was awesome. Essentially he said someone wealthy has worked their way to that position (generally speaking) and would extremely short-sighted to marry someone else with a motivations for a shortcut to 'the easy life', its too superficial and unrewarding for him in the long run.

    In any case I didn't bring this up to counter your opinion in this article, you actually bring up lots of good points, but rather to be mindful it needs to be seen from both sides. Hypothetically I would never want to marry someone that has little/no interest in working hard to achieve their own financial goals.

    As a man being able to provide for your partner and possible children in the future sure, be inspired by her personal aspirations definitely.

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