The Consumer
One day I would like to become pregnant…but I’m afraid it will kill me. Because everything
makes me nauseous. A backwards thought can make me nauseous. An unbecoming colors scheme can
make me nauseous: Chlorine, DVDs, a museum with too many things, the back of a car, the front of
a car, the inside of a closet, tiny objects, pockets, elevators, stairways, sweat, empty vases, silhouettes,
cold showers, steam, popsicles, cappuccinos, rainbows, yellow tones. You make me nauseous. I could
look at you right now and throw up. Anyone is capable of doing this to me. If I lose concentration, I
may just find you disgusting.
makes me nauseous. A backwards thought can make me nauseous. An unbecoming colors scheme can
make me nauseous: Chlorine, DVDs, a museum with too many things, the back of a car, the front of
a car, the inside of a closet, tiny objects, pockets, elevators, stairways, sweat, empty vases, silhouettes,
cold showers, steam, popsicles, cappuccinos, rainbows, yellow tones. You make me nauseous. I could
look at you right now and throw up. Anyone is capable of doing this to me. If I lose concentration, I
may just find you disgusting.
You see, my stomach makes all my important decisions for me. You don’t believe me? My
stomach is how I got my job, but sometimes it also makes me turn left when I want to turn right. It
tells me who I am and am not allowed to talk to. Hold on…let me ask my stomach. Yes, it says it’s
okay for me to talk to you. Anyways, my stomach didn’t really want to go back to school. It’s probably
why it always makes me nauseous during class. But then sometimes it’s sorry and helps me to study.
stomach is how I got my job, but sometimes it also makes me turn left when I want to turn right. It
tells me who I am and am not allowed to talk to. Hold on…let me ask my stomach. Yes, it says it’s
okay for me to talk to you. Anyways, my stomach didn’t really want to go back to school. It’s probably
why it always makes me nauseous during class. But then sometimes it’s sorry and helps me to study.
My stomach tells me what to eat. I go into the kitchen and hover my hand over different foods
and if it doesn’t like it, it gives me a little kick. When I land on the food it wants, it tells me so. I get a
good feeling that if I eat this it will stay down. It’s the same with menus, just less effort. I run my
forefinger down the glossy pages and I stop when it knows. But my stomach doesn’t always know.
Sometimes it makes a mistake and I have to throw up. It’s been making a lot of mistakes.
and if it doesn’t like it, it gives me a little kick. When I land on the food it wants, it tells me so. I get a
good feeling that if I eat this it will stay down. It’s the same with menus, just less effort. I run my
forefinger down the glossy pages and I stop when it knows. But my stomach doesn’t always know.
Sometimes it makes a mistake and I have to throw up. It’s been making a lot of mistakes.
Lots of people ask me, “Why are you so skinny?” I answer them, “Because I can’t eat any
more than I do.”
more than I do.”
The other thing is my stomach only allows me to eat at these random times:
8:42, 12:09, 3:17, 7:20, and that’s only on Mondays. It’s a different schedule every day of the
week. It's very difficult to remember. I set an alarm on my phone for when my eating times are
but then sometimes it hates my ringtone. This makes it so I have to vomit.
8:42, 12:09, 3:17, 7:20, and that’s only on Mondays. It’s a different schedule every day of the
week. It's very difficult to remember. I set an alarm on my phone for when my eating times are
but then sometimes it hates my ringtone. This makes it so I have to vomit.
Lots of people ask me why I vomit so much. I tell them, “Because my stomach says so.”
It’s pretty smart about it though. It’s not like everything has to go. It has a sorting system as
if it has separate compartments. Let’s say I ate a baby carrot without my stomach’s permission. Then
all I’d have to throw up is that one baby carrot. But if that baby carrot got misplaced and landed in the
wrong compartment, then I’d become violently ill till it was all emptied. It hates being unorganized.
if it has separate compartments. Let’s say I ate a baby carrot without my stomach’s permission. Then
all I’d have to throw up is that one baby carrot. But if that baby carrot got misplaced and landed in the
wrong compartment, then I’d become violently ill till it was all emptied. It hates being unorganized.
Sometimes my stomach can be really nice to me. If it’s really delicious food it can put it in a
good mood and I can eat as much as I want. I can eat for three men. I can eat for three straight hours.
I can eat as if I’d never get to again.
good mood and I can eat as much as I want. I can eat for three men. I can eat for three straight hours.
I can eat as if I’d never get to again.
And then people ask me, “How do you eat so much?” I tell them, “Because my stomach is
letting me.”
letting me.”
But I don’t think my stomach will ever want me to get pregnant. That’s why it’s always
yelling at me to use protection. I don’t think it will ever want to be downsized by some baby.
It will become violently jealous. I’ll become even more nauseous. Perhaps it will starve us to death.
yelling at me to use protection. I don’t think it will ever want to be downsized by some baby.
It will become violently jealous. I’ll become even more nauseous. Perhaps it will starve us to death.
When I get sick in girls bathrooms they always ask me, “Are you pregnant?” I say,
“No that’s just my stomach.”
“No that’s just my stomach.”
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