-Jessica was an anomaly sitting by the pool with the group
of near forty-year-old men. She was significantly younger being in her early
twenties.
“What am I doing here?” she asked
herself as she took a good look at them. “Why am I with Carver?”
They were not unattractive. That
wasn’t what was bothering her. She was familiar with Bobbie and Jonas. They
looked alike, both being of the same light skin tone, with long noses, and
small green eyes. The only notable difference was that one was taller than the
other. In fact, Jessica at times forgot they were not the same person so that
seeing them together had a startling effect. The third man at the pool went by
Steinberg. He was tan with clearly defined muscles, yet they seemed to lack
strength as if they had got weaker with age.
It was just the dissipation of it all that was making her
feel uncomfortable. These men had nothing better to do with their Saturday
afternoon but to drink beer and put their feet in a pool that they couldn’t
even go in because it was too cold. Jessica figured these were the type of men
to seldom have girlfriends, who you just couldn’t see ever settling down.
“He’ll probably be
here in like ten minutes,” Jonas consoled her. He was the shorter of the two.
Jessica hadn’t been invited to come over by any of them.
Carver lived in the pool house and she arrived on time for their weekly fuck.
She hastily waved hello to the men at the pool before knocking on Carver’s door
to no avail. After sending a few agitated text messages she agreed to sit down
with them.
“I think I’m done
with this,” Jessica replied bitterly.
“Give him a chance."
Jessica had taken off her skirt but her purple underwear
was still modest. She didn’t bother with thongs or getting her underclothes to match. Carter always wanted whatever she was wearing off as soon
as possible anyways so it never mattered. She could feel her light skin burning.
She moved closer to Jonas to be in the shade.
“You know I don’t
require much out of a relationship. Sex and pillow talk. This is the third
time in a row he’s invited me to come over with only an hour to spare. These
quickies don’t cut it.”
“You need the pillow talk?”
“Well yah. We used
to talk for hours. He’s been very distant lately. Maybe there’s someone else.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“Well I guess it’s
not your place to tell me.” Jessica wanted to not say more. She tried to bite
down the urge but couldn’t help herself. “You know, it’s not that I’m incapable
of sharing, but can’t I just call Tuesdays and Saturdays?”
The three men laughed at Jessica’s frankness.
“Sounds reasonable,”
Steinberg chimed in into what had started as a private conversation. At this
point he was halfway into the pool. Jessica couldn’t help but contemplate how that
must be feeling to his junk. The pool was freezing. She had taken off her skirt
in vain. There was no way she could go in.
Jessica knew it was strange and perhaps wrong for her to be
talking about Carver to his friends. She didn’t even like talking to her own
friends about him. But when she was frustrated she could never keep her mind to
herself.
“None of my friends
get it…how I am with these types of things. Of course they are all B-Effed up.
And it’s annoying because I really can’t defend myself without insulting them.”
They didn’t quite look like they knew what she meant so she kept on talking. “I
can’t imagine spending so much time with someone. Having to check in. All that
shit. I like having control of my life. It’s taken me a long time to accept who
I am and this is what works best for me. I’m an egotist.”
The men looked at her with raised eyebrows.
“I don’t mean that
in the sense of like, I’m conceited. I mean that I have a fascination with my
person and developing who I am and I can’t do that if I'm developing-”
“something with
someone else,” Steinberg had finished her sentence. It was unclear to Jessica
whether this was a sign of an intent listener or if he was ready for her to
stop talking.
Jessica had worked those ideas in her head for
quite some time and was eager for the opportunity to tell them to someone.
She had been called vain many times in her life. It was partly that she talked
about herself too much, partly because she walked with too straight of a back, but
mostly because she was simply far better looking than the average person or at
least people could tell that she thought this of herself. She had long blonde
hair, a lithe figure and attractive bluish-gray eyes.
“So no kids?” Bobbie
asked in conjunction.
“Not for me.”
“I’m sure later in
life your biological clock will start ticking,” Jonas agreed.
“I don’t think so.” Jessica
thought it was peculiar that these men should ask her that of all people. Jessica
didn’t like how all women were expected to want to be mothers and caretakers. Jessica
felt herself too selfish to be able to fulfill such a task. “Not going through
labor. Not breastfeeding. None of that.”
“Oh tell her your breastfeeding story!” Bobbie interjected,
turning to Steinberg.
At this request, Steinberg went into great detail for some
time about an encounter he had with a woman at a party who decided to squirt
her own breastmilk at him. These breasts were described by him with fervor as
being very long and water balloon-like in which she cocked them like a Nerf gun
at him. His mouth had been open in shock in which some had consequently
found its way onto his tongue.
“Oh gawd, and to think this woman is a mother.”
“I guess kids drive
people crazy,” Steinberg answered.
After the horror and amazement this story had on Jessica
wore off and they began to talk of other things, she started to tune out as
she stared with contempt at the pool house. At this time she could have been
doing it with Carver like nobody’s business. In fact, they would have probably
heard them at it and provided their own commentary amongst each other. It would
have still been their business a little bit.
Jessica started to wonder why she was waiting for him at
all. What really was the difference between Carver and say Steinberg or Bobby?
She could ask any of them right now to go into the house and do what she came
for. She sighed. There was a difference. One, they weren’t as attractive. Not
even the three of them together, not that she was into that type of thing.
Carver’s body was a perfect mass of muscles like a Roman warrior. He would have
been far more esteemed if only he had been born into a different era instead of
working now as a carpenter. He felt more like a man to her than anyone she had
ever been with. He was giant in comparison to her small frame and the sexual
chemistry between them was out of this world. This had been one of her best
fuckmances. And while she worried it was coming to an end, she thought it
worth pursuing as long as she could. And two, though she hated to admit it, she
had developed some feelings for Carver. Perhaps they had got to know each other
too well and this was why in the last few weeks he seemed to be backing off. Jessica
didn’t want to feel those types of feelings anymore.
“Jessica, what’s up?” Jonas asked interrupting her reverie.
“Nothing.”
At that moment Carver came in through the back gate. They
all watched as he had his arm around another girl as they rushed their way into
the pool house. There wasn't even time for Jessica to get a good look at her
face. They had passed in a blur of movement and giggles. He hadn’t even noticed
her.
Jessica dropped into the pool. She let the freezing cold
numb her pain as she screamed into the water.
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