I didn't think this was something that needed to be written about till recently when I attended the movies with a guy I had just met from school.
He told me, "I like movies. Do you like movies? I haven't seen a movie in a while. Do you know of any good ones? Would you like to go together?"
It seemed innocent enough so I accepted. We had talked for about thirty minutes before this. It didn't escalate into any sort of flirtation. I figured we'd be going mostly as friends because I had told him I'm not really looking for anything. However, I'm not an idiot. If he indeed were to get the wrong idea and put his arm around me (that being a strong possibility), I didn't think it would be a big deal to remove it, and leave it at that and maybe have a talk after.
But no, he kept continuing to place his hand on my thigh. I had to repetitively physically remove it. If it wasn't on my thigh, then he would put it closer to my butt. At one point I took it off one thigh, so he reached over and put it on the other before I could again remove it in which there was some resistance on his part. I was thinking to myself, Oh my god, was that just a struggle? After this I quite loudly said, "No. Okay." I'm sure he heard me because I saw a change in his expression and he had stopped for a while, that is until I got a cramp on one butt cheek. This cramp enabled me to tilt slightly (and I mean slightly) to his side. He took this as a sign to continue touching me. After a while I gave up. I told myself, It's only on the top of my thigh. Right? I quite simply got tired of fighting it. Now the question lingers, if I was so bothered why did I stay? It was a very good movie. "The Hundred Foot Journey," I suggest you see it. Anyways, still, retrospectively I wish I had taken the opportunity to leave in the middle of it. I suppose I just thought that he would eventually get the idea. I debated switching seats, and I really wish I had done it, but I didn't want to cause a scene.
When the movie was over I gave him hell for it. I could not look him in the face but I knew he could hear all I had to say.
I told him, "I had the opportunity beforehand to tell you that this is not a date. And I didn't take it. But in a movie you should respond to subtlety, because it's dark and I'm supposed to be quiet and I cannot properly defend myself. But after a while, I was not being subtle. I had made myself very clear. I told you "No". Just because you buy me a ticket (in which I offered to pay) to a discount theater and talk with me for half an hour, does not give you the right to touch me without my permission. You disrespected me."
When he asked, "Can we still be friends?" I was already inserting my key into my car door.
I got inside without looking back.
So there you have it. Why is this worth posting? Because this is more than just about the bad behavior of one guy. When I tell this story to other guys (mind you in plenty of detail) they still seem to be too sympathetic for my liking. "People's intentions can be misinterpreted," or even worse, "Sounds like you headed yourself into a shark tank on this one". Like it is my fault.
To me this should be obvious common sense knowledge of how not to treat people. But apparently there's a misconception out there that as long as you are in a theater you can try to get away with all that you can.
So here are my rules.
1. You should probably make certain that it's actually a date. And don't take silence for an answer.
2. When a woman removes hands or any other body parts off of her, that means she doesn't want you to touch her, period. It doesn't mean maybe you can try again later in the movie because the kissing scene might make her horny enough to accept.
3. If you are going to get to do any touching during the movie after being verbally or non-verbally rejected once, you need to wait for her to touch you. Do not try again until then.
No ifs, ands, or butts. Especially Butts.
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